I's Misses Her

The day started fine. Normal even. I had a good week and a good weekend. The showers from last night lingered literally and figuratively. Something was taping at my conscience. Something I should remember or be conscience of. What was it? Think Jill think. What is lurking in the subconscious waiting to jump out at you. I go on about my day. I have Pilates and then stop at the grocery store. Still that nagging something tapping on my conscience self. I drop off the dry cleaning and as I turn my car back home. Whoosh! Overwhelming feelings of loss. The mantra, "I miss you! I miss you!", rushes into my conscience. Tears begin to pour down my face. I cry out loud, "God, I miss her! I miss Kristen! I miss her! I miss her!" The tears keep on coming. I fix myself some lunch and it won't go away. Finally I play the video from her service and just allow myself to go there. To that place of sorrow and grief so strong and powerful it threatens to drown me. Memories flow through my mind as I look at the pictures. I move on to the quotes. As I read them I feel as if she is here with me. As if she is telling me to really absorb the words and to listen to the music. I stand up and just let myself flow with the rhythm. The sun outside is now shining. There is light. The light washes away the dark clouds. The tears have washed away some of the pain. I miss you Kristen, I will always miss you. I thank God for the blessing of you. It truly is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

(It was a year ago that we found out that Kristen had relapsed and we headed back to Houston.)